Baked Beans
Name: Bill Parker, SC
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans.
She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively
reaction to her.
Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go
for this carrying on."
She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down
on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and
told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way, she passed a small diner and the smell of the baked beans was more than
she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk
off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and be! fore she knew it, she had consumed three large
orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she
felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, Darling, I have a
surprise for dinner tonight.
He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and
just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang.
He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went
to answer the telephone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming
almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity,
shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but
it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the
other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this
for another five minutes. When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her freedom,
she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and
folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so
long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised to find the room
filled with friends and neighbors all staring at her in shocked disbelief ... unbeknownst to her,
her husband had invited them over for a surprise party!
Send Us Your Story:
Access the Submission Form Here
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: CHECK ON THIS FINE PRINTING COMPANY:
Promotional Products, Discount Labels, Post-it Notes, Rubber Stamps, etc.
|